This is such a beautiful and honest reflection. I think so many women reach midlife carrying the accumulated exhaustion of years spent holding everything together, often without realising how much of their identity has become tied to being capable, composed and useful to everyone around them.
I especially resonated with the distinction between being in community and allowing ourselves to be held by community. We can become so skilled at caring for others, creating spaces, offering insight and being the steady one that we forget connection is not only about what we contribute. It is also about whether we feel safe enough to let ourselves be seen when we have nothing polished or helpful to offer.
There is something profoundly healing about discovering that the parts of ourselves we have worked hardest to conceal are not necessarily the parts that make people leave. Sometimes, when the mask comes off, the right people move closer.
Perhaps this is one of the unexpected invitations of midlife: not to optimise ourselves into another more efficient version of womanhood, but to release the performance and find out who remains. And even more importantly, to learn that we are still worthy of love and belonging when we are no longer holding everything together. Thank you. Sharon x
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sharon! Glad to know you resonate with the distinction between leading community and being held by community. It can be so lonely when we separate ourselves with our polished masks.
The part that stayed with me was not the discussion about hormones. It was the realization that you could fall apart and people moved closer instead of away.
I think many women spend years believing they have to be strong, capable, and composed to be loved.
When I read the two sentences about not wanting to listen to people talk at us and screaming in the car, I laughed out loud. Only because it described me sooooo perfectly! I came very close to one of those screams in the car today. :-)
Haha! It's so true! I had one of those screams the other day. It felt like such a release! Another woman in a comment somewhere on Substack calls her car her "Scream Machine" 🚗 😂
Jessie, I appreciate the honesty of your observation that many women arrive at this season believing they are supposed to have everything figured out, only to discover that the structures and identities that carried them for years no longer fit. Your story adds something important to the conversation because it moves beyond symptom management and explores the deeper hunger underneath so much of the exhaustion: the desire to be known without performance. I was especially moved by your reflection on the women who stayed, because genuine community is often revealed not when we are polished and capable, but when the masks come off and we discover we are still welcome. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable account of what it means to be seen, supported, and loved without having to earn it.
I absolutely love reading this post! Your story is different then mine a little but our vision is the same - this is what I would love to create- a community, real honest one where women can feel heard and seen and I wouldn't be leading them, I would just imperfectly walk beside them. Especially in this time of age we live where is so much AI, that real human connection will become very rare. I would love to join your space!
Ohmygosh, so much yes to this, "We spent years thinking we’d eventually arrive at some permanent state of having everything figured out. Then, finally when we think all our hard work is about to pay off, everything starts falling apart." That's exactly what it feels like, Jessie.
100%. You are not alone in this. I was really kind of stunned when I realized that there was no such place and then at the same time, everything as I knew it, body, relationships, parents, started to shift. It's a crazy time.
This is such a beautiful and honest reflection. I think so many women reach midlife carrying the accumulated exhaustion of years spent holding everything together, often without realising how much of their identity has become tied to being capable, composed and useful to everyone around them.
I especially resonated with the distinction between being in community and allowing ourselves to be held by community. We can become so skilled at caring for others, creating spaces, offering insight and being the steady one that we forget connection is not only about what we contribute. It is also about whether we feel safe enough to let ourselves be seen when we have nothing polished or helpful to offer.
There is something profoundly healing about discovering that the parts of ourselves we have worked hardest to conceal are not necessarily the parts that make people leave. Sometimes, when the mask comes off, the right people move closer.
Perhaps this is one of the unexpected invitations of midlife: not to optimise ourselves into another more efficient version of womanhood, but to release the performance and find out who remains. And even more importantly, to learn that we are still worthy of love and belonging when we are no longer holding everything together. Thank you. Sharon x
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sharon! Glad to know you resonate with the distinction between leading community and being held by community. It can be so lonely when we separate ourselves with our polished masks.
Thank you, Jessie. I really loved this piece. Looking forward to reading more. Sharon x
The part that stayed with me was not the discussion about hormones. It was the realization that you could fall apart and people moved closer instead of away.
I think many women spend years believing they have to be strong, capable, and composed to be loved.
What a gift to discover otherwise. 🫶
It is such a gift, isn't it?
When I read the two sentences about not wanting to listen to people talk at us and screaming in the car, I laughed out loud. Only because it described me sooooo perfectly! I came very close to one of those screams in the car today. :-)
Haha! It's so true! I had one of those screams the other day. It felt like such a release! Another woman in a comment somewhere on Substack calls her car her "Scream Machine" 🚗 😂
It really is such a release. It feels so good after. Scream machine. I love it! 😀 It's nice to hear I'm not alone.
Jessie, I appreciate the honesty of your observation that many women arrive at this season believing they are supposed to have everything figured out, only to discover that the structures and identities that carried them for years no longer fit. Your story adds something important to the conversation because it moves beyond symptom management and explores the deeper hunger underneath so much of the exhaustion: the desire to be known without performance. I was especially moved by your reflection on the women who stayed, because genuine community is often revealed not when we are polished and capable, but when the masks come off and we discover we are still welcome. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable account of what it means to be seen, supported, and loved without having to earn it.
I absolutely love reading this post! Your story is different then mine a little but our vision is the same - this is what I would love to create- a community, real honest one where women can feel heard and seen and I wouldn't be leading them, I would just imperfectly walk beside them. Especially in this time of age we live where is so much AI, that real human connection will become very rare. I would love to join your space!
I hear you, with AI becoming such a big part of our world, we need real human connection more than ever.
Ohmygosh, so much yes to this, "We spent years thinking we’d eventually arrive at some permanent state of having everything figured out. Then, finally when we think all our hard work is about to pay off, everything starts falling apart." That's exactly what it feels like, Jessie.
Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who felt that way! 🫶
100%. You are not alone in this. I was really kind of stunned when I realized that there was no such place and then at the same time, everything as I knew it, body, relationships, parents, started to shift. It's a crazy time.